dream home

The house well so far it is not ours. Everything was going well and now well it is not. I have no idea what we are going to do far a home or if we will live in a tent. My faith is being tested and I do not think I am strong enough to pass this test. I am suposed to be out of this drafty house by tuesday we should have been moved two weeks ago. so I am dreaming of my dream home four walls a roof and windows and doors

Another new blog

I have a new blog called Daily gratefulness it is connected to this one and I will try to list 5 things to be grateful for everyday and I encourage others to write their gratefulness too. go to http://5thingstobegratefulfor.blogspot.com

Desire of my heart

It is the desire of my heart to have more children. My husband does not want more I do not know if it is the fear of losing me( because I almost died with my daughter) or what. I saw two kids that are up for adoption and my heart just fell in love with them. I know that God is the one that will either allow it or not. I pray that if this is Gods will that He will change the heart of my Husband and open my heart just a little more too. I also pray that God would help my children to adjust to it with some ease. If this is not the will Of God then I pray that God will heal my longings for more children and fill my heart with the blessings and contentment of the ones I am honored and thankful to already have. Adoption is a big step and it is one I am willing to take. Any prayers and or thoughts welcome. Bless you all
Billie

My Husband

This is my Husband Rich. He is an interesting person. We do not always get along and over the last almost 12 years we could have split. I have to say that if I had not chosen to love him I would not be married now. I do not always like him but with the help of God I do love him. He can be selfish but what man isn't at times? and yes he thinks I know what he is thinking but I still like to hear it once in a while. When my cousin died he was there, when my mom had the stroke he was there. at my sisters wedding even though he hates crowds he was there. so even though I don't always say it my husband does care and support me even though I and he has changed. I just thought I would share.

To throw or not to throw?

Memories sweet memories. I have been packing and sorting and throwing in the midst of all of this I am finding memories I had forgotten about. I have found some things that are ruined and not replaceable and others that brings back some nice things. The problem I am a pack rat in the biggest way so every Little thing I come across I am having to ask is it really that important. my basement has not been this empty in 4 years wow it is amazing what I have found that I forgot I had. I have had a friend helping me and it has made it easier but the papers Hunter made in preschool or a letter from a friend and all of my craft stuff that was hard but my new house has no room for it all oh the sacrifices we make. this week my kids had to give up their dogs and that was hard on me too. So they gave up something I can too. To throw or not to throw that is the question I chose to throw.

P.S.
Happy Birthday to my husband.

Friends in low places

hey all it has been some time since I have been able to be online. Lots have happened since the last time I wrote. One thing though comes to my mind. I really do not like the "pretend" to be your friend thing when in reality they could really care less. I have a neighbor that seems really nice but, I think deep down inside well she is not. I have suspected this for a long time. I try to be a true friend I make mistakes and for those mistakes I try to make up for them. I am not perfect nor do I wish to be. anyway this "friend" I think is mad because of something I did. I will not get into that but, instead of talking to me she pretty much just ignores me unless I am outside and for general purposes she must say hi. I will be moving soon to my new house again another time for that I will soon be out of "my friend in low places" hair never to be heard from again. Freedom sweet freedom. I will relish the freedom.

Oh for the love of coffee

Oh for the love of Coffee. The smell the taste the feel of it going down. The pain the misery of the migraine. Oh how I miss you my sweet warm tempting coffee and yet how I pay to have you. The rush the exhilaration the alertness that comes with the simple thing we Humans call Coffee. The population runs off the stuff it is the thrill and the excitement and it is very much needed. Oh the longing for the mixture of cherry and vanilla and the sweet cream of the Latte. or the creamy mixture of cocoa and plain creamy creamer and how smooth it is when it goes down the throat and settles contently in the stomach where it goes to work to gently wake up and kick start the person drinking it People Decaf is not the same. Oh coffee sweet coffee how I miss you. I just thought I would share How do you like your coffee?

Where did it go?

When we love someone we should not hurt them. We take vows to love, honor, cherish but somewhere somehow those vows seem to get lost. not on purpose but I think they get forgotten. maybe people lose sight of the love, and everyday life tends to drag them down. I take my vows seriously, I try my best to make him happy but, these days he never seems to be. I hoped getting a house would help but I don't know. this is not what I thought it would be. I see some people they have a wonderful marriage, even when they have gray hair and wrinkles. I thought I would have someone to love me for who I am regardless of how much weight I have gained. but I lost it somewhere. the look is not there anymore, the pet names how do I get it back or am I lost to it forever. I know one thing if I have lost it, I will not EVER do it again. one miserable time is enough to last me a life time.

God is in the Middle

In the last few months I have had many struggles. I have lost a dear friend, I thought I had a brain tumor, My husband has been sick way to much, I have been dealing with kids that have so many issues that I can't even fathom but most of them are by choice, I had to be on a steroid that sent my moods from one end to the other and yet I still tried to see God. Today the sun is out and it is truly beautiful. many know that we have been in need of a house and I am here to tell you There is one with in my reach Yeah! I got an email today that really made me think and I was inspired to write. I have to say in my whole life I never stopped to find the middle of the Bible I mean the exact middle but today I found it and the realization of it has made me know that God is in the middle of everything I do or at least I hope so. Anyway the middle chapter of the Bible is Psalm 118 a wonderful chapter that I think I may have not fully grasped the meaning you should read it. There are 594 chapters before and 594 chapters after the exact middle verse is Psalm 118:8 and it says
It is better to trust in the Lord Than to put our confidence in man.
WOW talk about amazing this whole time I have been seeking God and not once until today was I even aware of this verse. I am grateful that I have a God that I can turn to. remember the "argument" I had with God well He said "when you trust me"
I started to trust and we have a house that we can move into as soon as it closes and I don't have to stress anymore. God is good and I thank Him for the things he is doing and will continue to do.

OH HAPPY DAY!!

have a great day everyone
Billie

look alike cat?

My daughter has a cat named Bunny and on word imp today she has a picture of her cat on there and Khirali thought it was Bunny here is a pic of him. go check out word imp at http://wordimperfect.blogspot.com

What is TRUST?

I got in to an argument with God last night of course it was a one sided argument I am truly thankful that God does not yell back, I am thankful for the mercy and grace He gives us. and I Think I heard God when I yelled at Him WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW ME WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BE? and very quietly I heard "When you trust me" I said I want to but, I do not how. I have been struggling with TRUST when it comes to God since last September I have been seeking a home. I have until June and I know that God will provide but I am having the hardest time Trusting God to come through so my family is not homeless and this came to me what is TRUST? What does it mean to me?


Totally rely on God
Respect that God has His own time
Understand that Gods will may not be mine
Seek Gods will in my life
Thank God for the blessings He has bestowed

.

This is a hard lesson and my frustration level is through the roof. I am weary of the stress between my family and I am so tired I have times that I just want to hide. If I just TRUST I think my life will be a whole lot easier.

Gnilleps and Carcinomas

As I was helping my friend Shannon study for a test we came across some unusual words that could be misconstrued or turned around an used a different way with out anyone (unless in the medical profession) would know the meaning of. and then we or at least she told me about a word that I just love and I decided it would be a word I could use when I get frustrated with out cussing pretty cool huh? OH Gnilleps could be said if I stubbed my toe or if I wanted to I could say stop being a carcinoma to someone that was not being so nice. I know as Christians we should not cuss or say anything remotely close to cussing but as humans we are flawed and so something more often then not comes out of our mouths what I am interested in is this what do you say? what comes out of your mouth when you hurt yourself or someone is being less than nice I would love to hear your thoughts, and the different things that you come up with.

What are you afraid of?

Today My daughter asked mommy what are you afraid of? instantly a whole list of things just jumped into my head. but she then went on to say you are afraid of spiders and snakes is there anything else? Her being only 5 she would never have understood the things going on in my mind. I wanted to say yes lots of things. here they are.
my kids not loving me, us being homeless, not being able to make something OK, being a bad mommy, losing one of my parents, losing one of my kids, not being the way God wants me to be , not making it in to Heaven, dieing. but I could not say those things to a 5 year old. I know that even though I tend to yank the reigns back that God will watch over me if I give him the chance. I often have to release the controls so that God can direct my life in the way He wants it to go. I have fears but, I have confidences too. God is never late, God will carry me unless, I refuse to listen then, I will land on my ever loving bum in the sand. I also know that no matter what God will always win the tug of war. so If I can stop being human and let God do everything than I might be less of a mess but, I am human and I will always get in a hurry and end up covered in mud all over again. Lord Help me to rely on you and help me to trust that what ever happens you will take care of me. grant me mercy and give me wisdom. I am looking for you to bring the answers open my heart and ears to listen so that I can hear your still small voice. Amen

I got interviewed

Hey I got interviewed by 5 minuets for mom here is the link to go check it out I am so excited.

any way thanks to everyone that came to my Party I hope to continue to here from all of you:)
Billie

Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Here is my family in a nut shell.

It has occurred to me that I have not introduced my family so here they are.

My son Hunter he is 9 and a good kid.

My 5 year old going on Adult Daughter Khirali.

My Husband Rich.

We have been married almost 12 years and I have to say it has been a journey in which I will never forget. My son has some special needs and it has been a time of retraining ourselves to know that he has certain ways in which he is able to do things and I am not expecting him to do things right all of the time. He is doing well we just got done doing the science fair the pic is from him doing the project. My daughter lets see she is very smart ready for school and is excited to be learning in preschool. she is full of life or something and she lets you know whats on her mind. well I think that sums it up ladies and gents here is my family.

How many people have your name?

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 2 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Who would have thought that there are 2 people with the name Billie Haberman in the entire US. go figure. I just thought you would find it interesting. How many people have your name? I would love to hear from you, tell me how many people have your name. I put in my daughters name and it came back with no one has her name. I find it very interesting to know that. I got this from another party goer Just another day in Paradise.

Time stops for no one

There are times when I wish I could stop time! get your attention? I hope so, last night with My cousins husband on the phone we sent 3 balloons and a note to heaven. A special delivery to Becky. Yesterday was her birthday and since my daughter is sick I could not go to her grave and "deliver" my gift to her so last night Cole and I and my Husband did it together. We watched the Balloons until we could not see them anymore. As sad as it is I realized that It releases me from my hurting and I felt so much better doing it. Time is a thing that can not be wasted because we never know when it will run out. Share your love and laughter and see the beauty in the ones around you. Cherish the time you do have because Time stops for no one. God is there to pick up the pieces if we let Him but, sometimes we hold on and don't want to let go. As I have said lots of times Life is a puzzle that is only complete when we go home to see the Lord but, our puzzle is apart of another's puzzle and their puzzle is apart of someone Else's so see the puzzle is never finished it keeps on growing and changing and weather we know it or not we affect other peoples lives that we may not even know. So my advice Love God for ever, create memories to last an eternity, and tell someone you love them.

Ultimate Blog Party

My name is Billie and I am a mom of two 9 and 5. I am a school bus driver and a volunteer in the middle school in the special needs class. I live in Oregon and I love it here. I am a reader and a cook sort of and I write. I entered the NANOWRIMO and hit the 50,000 word mark I am stoked. I love to chat with People and read their blogs. When my friend Reese told me about Ultimate Blog Party hosted by 5 minuets for mom. I was interested. I love to party so here I am and I am inviting you to come and join the Fun!