spirit of christmas

We had a good Christmas, I did not get my wish but, maybe someday I will. everything seems anti climatic and I feel a little disappointed. all of the hype for one day and then it comes and it is like every other day of the year. I understand it is the season and the excitment but for some reason it seems normal. we spend a lot of money on one day and then we start all over again. human nature. the feeling of Christmas should last all year round the joy and the warm wishes not just one month. so maybe this year I will try to keep it alive the whole year and see how it turns out.

My grownup Chirstmas wish

I have only one wish this Christmas, that is for my family to have a place called home. I wrote a letter to Santa and asked him to forward it to God. someone asked me what my dream house would be and I said one that had four walls one to the north, south, east and west that was mine. I have been waiting and praying and hoping for about 9 months even before I found out I was not buying my house. the whole thing has been a mess for along time. the levels of stress and hopelessness overwhelming and yet I still have my dream of my home. so what I want this year my one Christmas wish is a home to hang my hat at and to call my own.

Listening

It has been about1 year since the thought popped into my head this could be your last Christmas. I worried about it for about 6 months before I realized it may not actually happen. the thing is something did happen. and it got me thinking. was I listening correctly? was God trying to tell me at a point in my life to make things change for the better because I never know when He may call me home. my cousin died November, 2 2006 and it has put a real kink on my holiday. I have been thinking with all of the tragedies happening that no one could have for seen am I living the way God wants me to? am I asking your will and not mine? not always is my answer and trust me I am trying to change it so I can say yes I am doing the will of God. I have a mug that says "dear God I am ready to listen now" and that is my motto God I am here and I am ready to hear you talk to me. as Christmas comes I am hoping to spread Joy to those that really need it and with my new ears listen to the one who matters most.

Tug of war

I have been thinking a lot about where I think God wants me to go and for some reason I am not able to figure that out. I have had times where I get in to no win tug of war with God only because my patience is somewhat short and I want answers now. although I think that God may like the tug of war because when we do end up in the mud and all dirty it brings life back in to perspective. we can wash the mud off and be okay but, we can not take back choices we make and admit it God will never end up in the mud because his will is stronger and more perfect than ours. so as we go in to this Christmas season think about what God wants us to do and not about what we want because it is a little cold outside to be getting all muddy .

Animals

I am sitting here listening to Christmas music and watching Bunny being tempted by Frederick and my son in the background saying No No and Bunny doing a tight rope walk across my keyboard and then a front flip. very talented cat that one. as I watch Frederick enjoying his nice clean home free from the smell and nasty build up he is swimming happy. I like my beta he is relaxing to watch when I can keep his two Nemesis's away Bunny and Beautiful Butterfly
both which are cats named by my children and Bunny is a boy. my daughter thought of his name he is her cat. my sons cat is a girl (thank goodness) and he thought of Beautiful Butterfly. both cats are big pains getting in to my plants knocking them down eating them and wanting Frederick almost as bad as Sylvester wants Tweety
but then at night when the curl up at my feet and sleep or unfortunately at my head I think this is nice. cats can also be fun to watch Bunny chases his tail wrestles with Beautiful Butterfly although she can hold her own. anyway I guess I got off my subject and Now I can not remember what I was going to write. oh well have a fabulous day and enjoy your pets as much as you can.

Reflection

It has been a long month. I am not sure I remember much except 1. I started writing my novel for nanowrimo very slowly at first 2. my cousin Passed away at the age of 33 and I miss her terribly. 3. I got up at an insane time to go shopping the day after thanksgiving. and 4. I won the nanowrimo contest among who knows how many other people. so my month was busy but those are what I remember about it. as we head in to the last month of the year I reflect on the last 11 months November is one down but what about the rest? most of the year has passed in such a whirlwind that few things come to mind for instance in June the end of it I was informed that I was not really buying my home and now I have to move. July well happy 4Th and happy anniversary to me 11 years. August I went back to work as a bus driver. September I got diagnosed with migraines that resembled brain tumors and boy did my life flash before my eyes although it turns out that I do not have a tumor but classic migraines with chronic daily headaches. and this 6 weeks after the original diagnosis. so now I know I am okay I still have to move but have no clue where and my Christmas list is almost done so even though I don't recall all of this year I have accomplished a lot and that is a good thing. so going into December remember reach for the sky love the ones you can you never know when you might lose one and always look to the future with anticipation not dread. I do not know where I will live but, as long as I am with my family I will be okay.

Self discovery

While I go about my life trying to figure out why things happen I realize I am still figuring me out. I have two web sites and both take time and a part of me to put together. I try to live my life in the way I should and I find myself failing. AS the holidays approach I am finding myself in a mood that is unusual for me. I love the holidays I listen to Christmas music and drink eggnog lattes what could be better? I feel something is missing it could just be the stress I have been feeling or it could be I am up to my ears in writing. I entered the nanowrimo with my friend Reese and I am plugging away. I want to write and see it published and this is forcing me to actually get a book written. I know that I will have to go back and tweak and change things to make it perfect but I am doing it. Once this is done and I hit the 50,000 word mark I can say I accomplished something and I am proud of it. I have lots of things I still need to learn but, I am on my way on a journey of self discovery and I hope I like what I find. on one of my sites called the prayer journal I have added a blog just one more thing for me to do but I love to think and so when I think I write. have a great day .

Peace, Hope and Faith

Hello to any and everyone that reads my blogs. Sorry it has been a while since I have been here. I have been doing a lot of thinking about life and the things That happen. I Thought I had a brain tumor or at least that is what the Dr thought. It made me think about how I have lived my life. I am not where I want to be and I am not so sure how to change that. I believe to a point that we make our success but the one that really makes us or breaks us is God and during my struggle I have almost slipped away again not really meaning to but just in fear and frustration, I know that My God is in control and no matter what happens He will carry me when I need him to. My life is not mine but His and as long as I can remember that I will be okay. A while back I talked about hero's and again in the midst of my fear God was there for me so in my life I have two hero's God and my best friend in the whole world Reese. She helped me a great deal and gave me comfort and I will always be grateful to her for that. God sends people and gives things when He sees the need not when we see the need so I have peace about yesterday faith for today and hope for tomorrow.

Challenges

How often do we meet the challenges that come at us everyday? Think about it everyday a new challenge comes and sometimes I think we just don't want to face them. So we turn around and ignore them. Challenge brings change and with change brings the unknown. I know that I have a hard time with change and that makes me wary of whats to come. I try to face my challenges and to show them that I am willing to see what is coming. Life is a challenge and most people choose to live it everyday and to see whats around the corner. We live our lives with an excitement and adventure but, we seem to dread other things. Why not see all challenges as adventures and maybe some good will come out of it. I know the challenge of life is a hard one to do especially after the loss of a loved one. And when a child is involved their whole world is upside down, but those that take the challenge and go on are stronger people for it.

Teachers

I wanted to be a teacher but, due to some things I was not able to. The teachers I have come across today are not what I had when I was in school. My teachers at least most of them really cared for the students themselves not the paycheck. I am finding fewer and fewer teachers that love to teach for the pure enjoyment of it. What ever happened to when you teach you touch the future. I feel maybe the "old" pros are worn out and just do not have what it takes any more. That in my book is setting a child up for failure. It will mean more work for the child and more frustrations too especially if the child is struggling already. The no child left behind act is a good one but it needs to be enforced develope more programs for the individual needs of the kids in school today instead of throwing them in as a whole. Not every kid is the same but the system that is place seems to think it is and I for one am sick of seeing smart kids left behind. Where will our future be if our kids do not succeed?