Wednesday, February 07, 2007

5 things I wish I could be grateful for

I want to cry. I know there is not a person in this world who has not said these words at least once in their life and I am no exception. the frustration that is welling up inside is overwhelming and there seems to be no end in sight. I am really trying to be positive and have faith but it is hard. I feel like the world is on my shoulders literally and no one is there to help. my head has been killing me and my neck and back hurt too. I know I am whining, I so desperately want a home and that seems unreachable now and my hope is slowly slipping away. My faith is trying to hang on but it to is fading. I know God will supply all of my needs and I know in his time it will all work out. The one thing I don't know is when. when things start looking up something always happens to bring it all crashing down around me and I don't want to do this any more. God is God and I see miracles happening around me but here I sit waiting trying to be strong and just being grumpy instead. I hate feeling helpless and that is what I feel now. nothing in this world would make me happier then to have God say here my child this is what you have been waiting for. My life is not bad but, I have stress that makes me feel so old and I just really want to scream WHEN IS IT MY TURN????????????????????????? then I sit and try to hear the still small voice and all I hear is silence. I suppose God will talk and someday I am sure I will hear but for now I sit and wait and cry and stress and then do it all over again. 5 things I would be totally grateful for is this.............................
  1. to hear Gods voice
  2. to see Gods will in my life
  3. to feel peace that only God can bring
  4. to know that I am moving in Gods direction
  5. worship the Lord with all of my heart and know He hears me.

I am tired and I am frustrated and I am scared that I am not doing what God wants me to do. I am human with flaws and insecurities I am no better than anyone else I have the same hopes and dreams as any normal person yet I am different. the thing is I wish I could say I am happy being different but, apart of me is not happy at all.

3 comments:

Reese said...

Remember the guy asking Jesus for a miracle? Jesus said he just needed faith. The man's reply was something like this: "I know you can do it. But part of me doubts. Please help my unbelief." He asked for faith to have faith. He didn't approach God pretending to have it all togehter. His mind knew what his heart had a hard time grasping. His solution- the right solution- was to be honest. With the simple honesty of a child he asks Jesus to give him faith for what he's asking for. Interesting, don't you think? Jesus is okay with giving us everything we need, not only the miracle we ask for but also the faith we need to believe for the miracle.

When you doubt that God has his best in store for you, simply whisper, "Lord, please help me to overcome my unbelief." Pray it every day until you see God's hand. Then wait in eager expectation. Don't run ahead of him, don't conjure up images of his hand when his hand isn't in a situation. He knows what's best for you. He will never leave you. He has something for you. He will pass the blessing along in his perfect timing.

Lift your eyes up. Where does your help come from? It comes from The Lord, strong and mighty who knows the perfect plans he has to cause you to prosper as you wait on him. That's the real reason you should keep your chin up.

rindy said...

Please,please come visit my site! My latest post is all about my struggle with this...struggling, vulnerability, and hope...praying it blesses you...

A Woman Who is: said...

Mat 11:28 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest.
Mat 11:29 Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Mat 11:30 Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Found your blog via Emancipation of the Freed. My dear pastor. Just had to share these verses with you. I have been on a journy for the last three years asking God to teach me the "Unforced Rhythms of Grace" All I know is I need God's grace everyday, and I sure would love to walk in that Grace unforced and in the Rhythm of the heartbeat of God. I think I feel a blog coming on :>) You touched me. Bless you Billie.
Cindy