Who won?

I have been depressed can you tell I got in to an argument with myself and I am not sure who won. I keep asking if God really helps where is it? I keep hearing "it is there for the taking you just need some faith." I ask if I have faith why am I not seeing results? I keep hearing "trust" How can I trust if I keep hitting brick walls I hear "faith" it is a circle. I then ask why do other people that may not believe have all the breaks? and again I hear "have Faith like a mustard seed you can move mountains" I tried but nothing "Gods time not yours" my next question is God real " duh look around do you think it was the big bang" so who wins I am not convinced and I am frustrated and annoyed and I feel completely empty now. I have to admit the christian music station I love I have not been able to listen to with out frustration and a little anger. so with this I leave you maybe I will continue to be grateful on daily gratefulness but I think I am signing off for now.